appreciation deficiency (or, how not to get more ice cream)
I think many children suffer from Appreciation Deficiency. There are no known supplements.
Apparently, they eventually grow out of it.
Until this happens, I deal with the deficiency symptoms with varying degrees of maturity and patience...
I give my child an ice cream cone. No reason, just a suprise little treat for him. He takes it and happily starts eating.
He finishes it quickly.
Ten seconds later...
Instead of "Thank you for that ice cream, Mama!" he asks for more.
I tell him no. Maybe later.
The whining starts.
I explain the obvious.
The whining continues.
I begin to explain that by showing a little appreciation he'll be more likely to get ice cream sooner. That whining for more is not a good strategy.
But he cuts me off.
Ugh. My answer ten seconds ago would have been "maybe after dinner" or "tomorrow" but now I'm irritated.
So I say "I don't know" with an aggravated and ominous tone.
He might have to wait a while.
I'm not feeling generous in the ice cream department.
Classic.
I know my husband will give the same answer. We're a team that way. The evil ice cream withholding team.
Oh, but he isn't done...
Nice.
Simultaneously, I stifle my laughter and the urge to give him the finger.
I also devise a plot to make damn sure he isn't going to get one more taste of that pint in the freezer.
I'm going to eat it all after he goes to bed.
Who's the smart one now?
--------------
Don't feel bad for the little guy, he'll get ice cream again, I'm not actually cruel.
I did eat that pint though.
I love how you have to write that little subscript so that you don't get hate mail from readers who say that you're mean to your son...lol!! Funny post, as usual!
Posted by: Misty | 08/26/2011 at 11:27 AM
I know. I'm such a wimp. :)
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 11:33 AM
LOL this is spot on accurate! Especially with sweets it is all just more more more and no thank yous. Thanks for making me laugh out loud! <-- showing appreciation.
Posted by: Angela | 08/26/2011 at 11:37 AM
Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard. I can totally relate to this! I love it!!
Posted by: Anastasia | 08/26/2011 at 11:39 AM
LOVE IT! And I hope they really do outgrow it.
Posted by: RC | 08/26/2011 at 11:40 AM
Love it! Wish I could tell you it gets better, but mine is 15 now and ummmm..... It doesn't...
I've gotten into the habit now, after about the 3rd time she asks when, I tell her "If you mention it one more time, you won't get it/we won't go AT ALL" Usually that shuts her up. Then she comes up to me and says "Um, you know that thing I'm not supposed to mention? What?! I didn't say the words!!" lol
Posted by: kim | 08/26/2011 at 11:41 AM
I taught my daughter to sign "thank you" whenever she was given something before she could speak. It worked, as long as I never forget to thank HER, even when she gives me a piece of lint off the carpet. She gets really angry if I forget to thank her.
Posted by: Z | 08/26/2011 at 11:42 AM
lol!!! NICE!
Posted by: Wendy Irene | 08/26/2011 at 11:42 AM
How did you not hurt this child. I think I would lose it if my son implied that dad was smarter.
Posted by: leshelle | 08/26/2011 at 11:42 AM
wow. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in so many of the situations you present to us! Thanks for helping me realize that I am NOT a crappy parent! Just the same as everyone else!! :)
Posted by: Amber | 08/26/2011 at 11:45 AM
Ha! It's such an easy lesson, but yet the 7 year old and 9 year old in my house have not yet learned it...Silly kids!
Posted by: maggiemoo | 08/26/2011 at 11:46 AM
I think most don't grow out of it until adulthood. Or never? I know a few adults...
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 11:47 AM
Been there, sister! Oh, I loved this! That's my four-year-old to a tee. Substitute "cookie" for "ice cream" and it's basically the same kid.
Posted by: Ginny | 08/26/2011 at 11:49 AM
When they ask for more, I just automatically say "nope, we're all done now. but you can have more tomorrow."
That usually ends it before it stops.
Posted by: mommymichael | 08/26/2011 at 11:50 AM
This is my life. Thank you for not making me feel alone!!
Posted by: Annette | 08/26/2011 at 11:52 AM
I almost did a spit take when I read this line: "Simultaneously, I stifle my laughter and the urge to give him the finger." that was awesome. Great post.
Posted by: Melanie | 08/26/2011 at 11:53 AM
hrmmm im going to try this next time im dumb enough to offer them something
Posted by: Desiree | 08/26/2011 at 11:54 AM
I didn't. I give myself everything. (As long as I have the moolah.)
I guess not having the moolah and wondering if I can land some freelance job before the next payment is my solipsist equivalent of the "But when???" whine.
Posted by: JCCyC | 08/26/2011 at 11:55 AM
This is exactly the kind of day I am having! A little laugh is just what the dr ordered!
Posted by: Becky F | 08/26/2011 at 11:56 AM
Two things cracked me up... While reading this my eldest asked me for another cookie instead of thanking me for baking cookies and letting her have one.
Secondly, I sometime secretly give my daughter the finger, when I am in another room and she totally can't see me. Yep, sometimes a four year old can tick me off that much.
Posted by: Heather | 08/26/2011 at 11:58 AM
Kids do outgrow it, at least some of them do. I always tried to show appreciation as a kid (to the best I could). When I moved out, my appreciation grew substantially. Now that I'm the mama and my parents have graduated to grandparents, I have immeasurable appreciation for what they've done/do/ will continue to do. I also regularly apologize to them for how I was as a teenager.
Giving them a grandchild has made up for it, according to them.
Posted by: 0hMaria | 08/26/2011 at 11:58 AM
My favorite is when I let the girls make popcicles in our (cool, but overpriced)instant popcicle maker and then 5 minutes later they hear the ice cream truck and start screaming, "ICE CREEEEEA~~~M". And of course, they totally melt down when I am so MEAN as to say no.
Posted by: Mari B. | 08/26/2011 at 12:00 PM
Ahhhh. I love when I have to say no to teach them lessons and then they STILL don't get it, even after my awesome mommy explanations. Funny thing is-after my third child and 9 years of motherhood-I still haven't figured out the magic phrase to make them stop asking. Love. My. Job.
Posted by: ccmjj5@gmail.com | 08/26/2011 at 12:00 PM
My 4 year old step-daughter is getting a birthday trip to DISNEY WORLD with her grandparents, yet when i showed her her little sister's 1st birthday outfit (complete with tutu), she cried "its NOT FAAAAIR!"
This is why 4 year olds do not get trips to Disneyworld for their birthdays.
Posted by: Katie | 08/26/2011 at 12:09 PM
Hee hee hee! I love it.
Posted by: Crystal | 08/26/2011 at 12:10 PM
This one has made me laugh the hardest! I'm still laughing! Wow, talk about a surprise ending on that one. Didn't expect the "dad's smarter" comment.
Posted by: Julie | 08/26/2011 at 12:12 PM
My baby is only 15mo, and I am soooo not looking forward to moments like this one. My older kids are 9yo, 11yo, 13.5you and 17yo. I can testify they do NOT grow out of it. However, the debate gets condensed into something like:
"Mommmmm, can I have a cookie?"
"Yes"
"Can I have *two* cookies?"
"Okay"
"Can I have *three* cookies?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"How would you like *no* cookies?"
"Ok, 2 cookies is good, thanks Mom!!"
Posted by: Tasha | 08/26/2011 at 12:12 PM
Wait, did you say "instant popsicle maker"? I don't even know what that is but I probably want one.
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 12:12 PM
OMG - absolutely awesome!
My 5yo has recently taken to hiding in the pantry (a tiny closet in our hall that can barely hold our food) and eating potato chips when I'm busy with my 6mo. Wait until I put a lock on that sucker!!!
Posted by: Cheryl @ Coffee with Cheryl | 08/26/2011 at 12:13 PM
It is good to know that works eventually!
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 12:13 PM
My mother had a very effective method... the more I asked for something the less likely I was to get it and the second I used a whining voice I was guaranteed to get nothing but trouble.
Posted by: Nikita | 08/26/2011 at 12:15 PM
I love his little stick arms holding his tummy!
Posted by: Lisa | 08/26/2011 at 12:15 PM
Thanks for this post today - it's the first thing that's made me laugh in an otherwise very frustrating day. Love your blog!
Posted by: Katie | 08/26/2011 at 12:16 PM
This is so offensive. I'm not sure why yet, but when I think if the reason, I'll be sure to come back and tell you. Probably in ALL CAPS WIT BAD GRAMARR 2.
My daughter is big with the drama. If I tell her no to ice cream, she says "ZOMG! I can't ever have ice cream EVER AGAIN! I'm going to STARVE LIKE THOSE KIDS ON THE TEEVEE THAT HAZ NO ICECREAM!"
Yes. Because no ice cream right now = no food ever again. Ever. I'm such an abusive parent.
She should be grateful I remember to feed her at all.
Posted by: E.B. | 08/26/2011 at 12:20 PM
Thank god I'm not the only one! My son seems shockingly unappreciative when I do these spontaneous nice things as well. My husband explains to me that I do them so often he now expects them, oops.
Posted by: Marta | 08/26/2011 at 12:21 PM
Boy, did I need that laugh! Not two days ago my 5 year old was playing in her kiddie pool, I filled it up and then got a chorus of 'it's not full enough' from her and her friend.
It seemed to escape both of them that this was the second time I had filled the pool that day...
Posted by: Elizabeth | 08/26/2011 at 12:22 PM
Lol I've actually thought about doing just that because my daughter hides in the pantry as well lol
Posted by: lily | 08/26/2011 at 12:26 PM
My Daughter is asking for ice cream as we speak... As if im going to reward her for writing on my walls with black ink pen and taking her brother as a live canvas... Psh!
Posted by: lily | 08/26/2011 at 12:29 PM
If you replaced "Watching Dora the Explorer" with ice cream, I would swear you had a camera in our house. Sigh...
Posted by: Lissa | 08/26/2011 at 12:32 PM
ahahahahaha.this is hilarious!
Posted by: crystal | 08/26/2011 at 12:35 PM
Lol! Oh my gosh, kids just know how to pick it, don't they?!
My husband has "excitement deficiency"- you announce something incredibly exciting or amazing, and if you're lucky enough to get a response it's along the lines of "Oh yeah." Pffft.
Posted by: Laura | 08/26/2011 at 12:38 PM
Expert parenting there with finishing off the ice cream.
Posted by: Dina | 08/26/2011 at 12:38 PM
Soooo true! Love the ending!
Posted by: Rhett Hoff | 08/26/2011 at 12:43 PM
Love this! My 6 year old son does the same thing. I call him my drama boy.
Posted by: Debbie | 08/26/2011 at 12:44 PM
Only sometimes? Good for you...
Posted by: foxes_garden | 08/26/2011 at 12:45 PM
Is it just as funny when it's the(my) husband who has the deficit and not the kids?
Posted by: Sara | 08/26/2011 at 12:47 PM
This happens all the time in our house. With popsicles, cookies, TV, and anything else she takes a fancy to. I berate myself mentally for spoiling her so badly that she could develop this sense of entitlement. I wonder about mothers who don't have enough to feed their children, and whether their kids whine? I wish I could believe that she will naturally outgrow this, but I suspect I will need to have her work in a homeless shelter or something to get her to that point...
Posted by: foxes_garden | 08/26/2011 at 12:49 PM
LOL LOL gotta work the system. Just how many cookies CAN I have LOL Can't blame kids for trying ;)
Posted by: Erica | 08/26/2011 at 12:58 PM
She may be talking about the Zoku popsicle maker that has been on my wish list for oh-so long. Check it out here: http://www.williams-sonoma.com/shop/cooks-tools/cooks-tools-zoku/?bnrid=3152601&cm_ven=NBSearch&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=FocusProductsZokuQuickPopMaker&cm_ite=popsicle+machine&OVMTC=Broad&site=&creative=7420734145&OVKEY=popsicle%20machine&url_id=111334587
Posted by: Kristin | 08/26/2011 at 01:04 PM
That is hilarious!
Posted by: Becky F | 08/26/2011 at 01:14 PM
8 year old
Can I have one (substitute whatever here)
Me
Okay, just 1. No whinging for more.
8 year old
Great thanks. (lovely manners I think)
5 mins later
8 year old
I'll just get another ...
Me
No, we had an arrangement.
8 year old
I don't care, I want one.
Me
No...
8 year old
You are horrible, you never give me anything.
Me
under my breath (just my mind, my firm body, my blood sweat & tears)
Then I go and eat whatever is left - and gain the pounds!!!!
Next time
8 year old
I want a ....
Me
Help yourself - eat the whole packet if you like.
8 year old
Looks at me like I have gone mad - no...I only want one.
xoxoxoxox
Posted by: TheUrbanMum | 08/26/2011 at 01:21 PM
I wonder that same thing. What a fortunate "problem" we have on our hands.
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 01:23 PM
My daughter had just finished eating something and when I told her she couldn't have any more, she screamed and thru an epic fit, "YOU NEVER GIVE ME ANYTHING!!!". Really?? I didn't just buy you Subway for dinner? Oy.
Posted by: Amanda Reed | 08/26/2011 at 01:23 PM
LOLOLOL!
Posted by: I Thought I Knew Mama | 08/26/2011 at 01:35 PM
You're nicer than me. I would have eaten that pint with him right there.
Posted by: vanessa | 08/26/2011 at 01:38 PM
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for writing this blog. I think I may drive my entire friends list to drink if I share any more of it (I read the archives over the past week when I probably should have been doing yoga or pilates or folding laundry after everyone was in bed.) I have 2 year old twin girls and a 4.5 year old boy. Today felt long and I needed that laugh ;) Especially the Dad is smarter than you, thing. We had that discussion just tonight before he went to bed. I don't think anything I said would sway him that I am just as smart...in my own way ;)
Posted by: Jen | 08/26/2011 at 01:40 PM
That is exactly how I've raised my kids, Nikita. If they ask for something in a store, they are guaranteed not to get it (I hate whiney greedy kids in stores). I do occasionally buy them a candy bar at the check out. They are both very polite kids, but every once in a blue moon they have to be reminded that if they "don't say thank you for that candy bar, like, right now, it's going to be the last one you see for a loooonnng time". Probably some people think we're mean, but really, we have to correct them very rarely. The rest of the time the kids are very polite. We are always getting compliments on their behavior (even after they've been over at a play date at a friend's house, and we weren't even there), so we must be doing something right.
Posted by: Sherry | 08/26/2011 at 01:47 PM
This is so funny, and so true. My favourite line: "Simultaneously, I stifle my laughter and the urge to give him the finger."
Posted by: HeatherB | 08/26/2011 at 01:52 PM
My reply would have been "Yes, Daddy is smarter. He didn't give you the first ice cream. Mommy has learned a lesson and next time I won't give you any ice cream to begin with."
Posted by: Kerri | 08/26/2011 at 01:59 PM
I think my little girl would use "because daddy's nicer" instead of smarter. he's a push-over when it comes to his kids (just ask my 20yo step-daughter, lol).
Posted by: HeatherP | 08/26/2011 at 02:01 PM
Yes, OhMaria. The appreciation light bulb went off in my son's head shortly after his son was born. Sweet revenge.
Posted by: GrannyD | 08/26/2011 at 02:01 PM
Yes, it went off in mine too, towards my mom. I think I called her and apologized even. "Sorry for those 18 years mom!"
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 02:07 PM
Sadly in our home the tasty treat in this story could also be replaced with a:
Toy
Movie/video game
Playdate
Fun outing
or even tickle/wrestling/piggyback playtime w/parental unit
and the script would be virtually the same - *sigh*
Posted by: Hanging Chad Mamma | 08/26/2011 at 02:14 PM
Seriously, admit it-- you have cameras in my home! You must! How else do you know EVERYTHING that goes on here?! LMAO! These are priceless!
Posted by: Jacqui Andrews | 08/26/2011 at 02:15 PM
"Mommy can I have another treat"
"Not right now, Sweetie"
"But my tummy hurts"
"Well a treat isn't going to make it feel better"
"Daddy, Mommy's mad at me"
facepalm
Posted by: Ashley | 08/26/2011 at 02:33 PM
I would be like who's the smart one now? And eat it in front of him all while going "mmmmmm yummmm this is the best ice cream ever!"
Posted by: sarah | 08/26/2011 at 02:34 PM
yep... no I want one too! :)
Posted by: Heather | 08/26/2011 at 02:35 PM
LOL that is classic! So funny.
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 02:38 PM
Love this! I want some ice cream now :)
Posted by: Jennifer | 08/26/2011 at 02:39 PM
I stopped doing laundry once as a potential cure. It didn't work.
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 02:42 PM
Now THAT is a good one!
Posted by: Amber Dusick | 08/26/2011 at 02:43 PM
Same here, my son will put his little (but mighty) fists on his hips and glare at me when I forgot (which is actually a touch similar to the sign for NOW.)
Posted by: Jaspenelle | 08/26/2011 at 03:23 PM
I just choked on my dinner from laughing so hard! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I have a 7 year old son, a 5 year old son, a 3 year old son, and a 5 1/2 month old son. The three oldest children are so ungrateful at times and I have done the EXACT same thing (with eating the ice cream). I'm worried that my baby will watch his brothers and learn to do this by the age of 1. I sure hope not! Thanks for the awesome blog!
Posted by: Cassandra | 08/26/2011 at 03:27 PM
OMG I laughed so much I wet myself! Thanks for the extra washing ;-P
Posted by: Robyn | 08/26/2011 at 03:42 PM
LMAO!! I loved the happy ending!! ;0)
Posted by: Carrisa | 08/26/2011 at 03:52 PM
Thanks for the laugh!! I LOVE the *resisting the urge to give the finger*! Priceless!!
Posted by: Crystal Anderson | 08/26/2011 at 04:40 PM
I'd have waited until she turned around and then given mine the finger, along with a dramatic rolling of the eyes while she went off to find "smarter" daddy. Mine always says "thank you" before she pans me.
Posted by: Becky | 08/26/2011 at 04:46 PM
That was hilarious! I have totally had that conversation :-)
Posted by: Erica | 08/26/2011 at 04:59 PM
Can't you just teach them to pretend to be appreciative?
-mother of 6 month old twins
Posted by: Zoe | 08/26/2011 at 05:02 PM
I had to keep my ice cream in my neighbor's freezer for months because my daughter kept sneaking it and eating it. I thought whining was bad!--but it turned out that capability is even worse! Totally ruined my husband's and my usual late-night post-bedtime ice cream ritual, too.
See, I don't think it's mean to eat all the ice cream after your kid is asleep! We do that normally--no motivation required. She doesn't need ice cream. She's not the one who listens to whining all day long. :)
Posted by: Lisa | 08/26/2011 at 05:05 PM
For a real lesson, I'd eat it in front of him, not after he goes to sleep. ALL of it. {Bwahahaha} That'll show him how "stupid" I am. ;P
I'm just saying...
Posted by: Lena Martinez | 08/26/2011 at 05:34 PM
They don't outgrow it. I'm so sorry...
Posted by: Heather | 08/26/2011 at 06:13 PM
I love that you had the urge to give him the finger! Haha!
Posted by: Heather | 08/26/2011 at 07:02 PM
I have just discovered your blog this week. As a mom of six, I have to say, your humour about the realities of motherhood and children is so wonderfully engaging and spot-on! I need the laughs you provide to keep my perspective with my own gaggle. Thanks!
Posted by: BJ | 08/26/2011 at 07:32 PM
Yup that line made me laugh loud enough for my dear husband to look up from his book and give me a "what's so funny" look.
Posted by: Deb | 08/26/2011 at 07:40 PM
Oh that doesn't work? I've considered it, but I had a feeling all it would lead to is a bunch of dirty laundry.
Boy do I love your delivery.
My daughter is 7 and she's starting to outgrow that. Though it's kind of there before, empathy starts to really kick in at five, but has a long way to go before it's fine tuned. And I think appreciation comes with empathy. Of course, when they are first born, they seem so thankful even for warm sweaty milk on a hot day. Maybe the answer is never introducing ice cream?
Posted by: Julie | 08/26/2011 at 08:34 PM
LOL! Your sons are basically slightly smaller, male versions of my 2 daughters. :) We've been down this road many many times. And yeah, I've eaten many pints after bedtime! :)
Posted by: Michele Sonntag | 08/26/2011 at 08:35 PM
lol!
Posted by: Julie | 08/26/2011 at 08:36 PM
Are you sure you were no at my house? Because I think this plays out just about every day.
Posted by: Rachael | 08/26/2011 at 08:38 PM
That's *exactly* what I would have done! I'm glad I'm not the only one here...
Posted by: Jessica McCabe | 08/26/2011 at 08:44 PM
This is so typical. My son would get a toy car. His little face lights up! He beems a big smile! My heart melts! He opens his mouth and out pops "I want another!!!"
Gee, thanks kid.
Posted by: Kelli | 08/27/2011 at 03:30 AM
AWESOME!!!!!! That is ME, too. I have done various stuff similar to that. LOL I always thought I was the only one.
Posted by: Rebecca Henson | 08/27/2011 at 05:10 AM
Love this line, as well!!!
PERFECT to how I feel sometimes...
Posted by: Rebecca Henson | 08/27/2011 at 05:14 AM
me too! I'm a mean mummy hahaha
Posted by: mummyoftwomunchkins | 08/27/2011 at 07:48 AM
LMAO! A friend saw your site and said it made her think of me...on account of the same type of crappy pics on my blog! Now I am thoroughly enjoying reading your stuff!
Posted by: Karrie | 08/27/2011 at 07:48 AM
hilarious. and spot on!
Posted by: mummyoftwomunchkins | 08/27/2011 at 07:48 AM
This happens with us too - works great.
Posted by: Debby | 08/27/2011 at 07:52 AM
hahaha nice!
Posted by: Vanity_Mom | 08/27/2011 at 08:53 AM
You are so hilarious!
I love you. lol
Posted by: Liz | 08/27/2011 at 10:06 AM
That's why my mother called it the Music Truck. When we were old enough to know what it actually was we never asked for any. I'm not scarred for life. And since it wasn't a magical part of my childhood so I don't feel obligated to let my children run after the ice cream truck. However, getting the hubby to agree is a different story...
Posted by: arthurdent101010@yahoo.com | 08/27/2011 at 12:33 PM