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09/06/2011

laughing before & after kids

Although I'm sticking this in the Before & After Kids series, if you haven't pushed a baby out of your vagina recently you won't get it. Lucky you. 

This is what laughing was like before pushing a baby out:

Laughingbefore

 

And this is what laughing is like for a while, after pushing a kid out:

Laughingafter

 

 

Comments

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OMG!! This is so true!! hahahaha Love this blog! I've sent links to all the mothers I know bc it is the comic relief I need when Motherhood gets tough :)

Very, sadly true. After a few more crotch parasites make their arrival it becomes a life long condition...

Don't forget sneezing, coughing, bouncing on a trampoline!

Heh. I didn't push them out of my vagina, but I did carry twins to term, and yeah. I pee a little when I cough or sneeze. Not all the time. Just a random, happy little wet surprise every so often to remind me of my kids (as if their constant clinging presence doesn't already provide plenty of "reminding"...).

I would say the same thing about bouncy houses :(

Oh yeah... Definitely know this feeling well. Sneezing isn't so great either!

Sigh. Even with a c-section. I think it was a result of man-baby playing bouncy trampoline on my bladder for those last 4 months!

HA HA HA hahahahaha HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . . Now you've done it, honey! I have to go change now. Thanks a LOT!

This is not normal and we shouldn't be treating it like it is. Kegels and squatting regularly take care of this.

Just an FYI, even if you didn't push the baby out of your vagina, you still will likely pee a little. It isn't just pushing it out the vagina...it is the carrying the baby for 9 months that does it to you. Even mamas who went under the knife for their babies will still have some bladder issues post partum.

trampolines... skipping ropes... hopscotch... All invented to torture moms.

Spot on, as usual! Made me laugh - luckily my bladder was empty. :)

I love the way you look before - higher-up bosoms, curled hair, thinner waist.

It's amazing how accurate you can be with a crappy picture. x

Haha! I went in one too and had the same experience LOL (3 kids here!)

That's the grossest reference to a newborn baby I have ever heard...

I like the way your hairdo, clothes, and figure are different in the before/after drawings. So true. It's allergy season right now. I have an extra pair of panties at work, just in case.

I know this and I suspect just about every other mom does, too. It's still funny.

What a terrible & crude thing to call your babies :(

Same is also true for coughing and sneezing!!! I have to cross my legs anytime I do either of those! :-)

So sad, but true. And sneezing! It's embarrassing...

Actually Heather J, that isn't always true. It is a hereditary problem in my family, usually passes quicker on with those of us that have had children, but all around eventually. No amount of kegals, or those awful things that the doctor gives you to stick up there and squeeze on work at all. Lol.

That is such a derogatory way to refer to your children

*laughs* *pees* oops.

It happened to me the other day...only I wasn't laughing...or sneezing...just standing there...sigh.

My mum has what's called a neurostimulator for pain control after a spinal injury and she found out at the clinic the other day that the company (Medtronic) now have one that works on incontinence.

Seriously?

Crotch parasites = funny

And it's from another popular blog site....

And this is why I can't do jumping jacks. Hah.

@heather j - aren't kegels for vagina muscles? Last time I checked, I don't pee out of my vagina...

what a HORRIBLE name to call your babies. If this is what you call them on a blog where millions of people can read it, I wonder what you actually say to them to their face! my heart hurts for them.

I was okay after one kid but after the second one I cant do jumping jacks or jump on a trpoline. And when I go running I have to go right before I leave or I am in trouble.

That's disturbing... your poor children. Who would want to be raised in a home where you're thought of as a parasite!? Send them our way. We have more than enough love to go around

Kim,

The PC muscle stretches between the pubic bone and the tailbone. When tightened, it clenches everything in its path, so yeah, it tightens your vagina but also your urethra. You know that kegels are good for men, too, right?

This is why I can't run anymore!! *sob* I've been told it's curable - supposedly there are physiotherapists out there that can help (I just hope it's not a man). I have allergies right now and sneezing is not going so well...lol

Holy hell, this is supposed to be lighthearted and FUNNY. Do we have to take everything so seriously? Jesus.

Pelvic floor (kegel) excercises and squats helped a bit, but 18 months later, it's still SO true. laughing, sneezing, waiting too long to pee, it's all teh same :P

No joke! After my first baby I thought I'd bounce back into shape by jumping rope!

Holy Pee Flow!

I decided then to pee before jumping rope and still wet my pants.

Long story short. I gave up. I got fat. The end.

I've had two and only had that problem when I was pregnant with my second (I have a tilted uterus and he was a big baby). After both kids I have been fine (no peeing while laughing, jumping, leaping, standing on my head, break-dancing, rock climbing, spinning, you name it!). But I did yoga, kegels, hiked, and lifted light weights while pregnant with both, and work out regularly now.

My neighbor came to the door the other day to tell me my dog was out of the yard. So I go after the dog. Running, peeing, carring a baby on my hip, cursing the dog.

Actually, kegels are for strengthing the pelvic floor muscles, which do more than just keep you from peeing yourself. Last time I checked, my uterus was still inside my body, thanks in part to kegels.

Yes I'm a horrible horrible mom because I have a "sense of humor" I don't actually refer to my son as a crotch parasite...it's a joke people....nor am I sure does Betsi....

Hiccups if it hasn't already been mentioned. Yesterday I hiccuped and had a little wetness. I do kegels regularly and it helped immensely. But, every once in a while...I get a little surprise.

@A Facebook User, I applaud you... I would think the readers of this funny blog would know how to take a joke, but apparently not.

Actually, they've found that kegels alone are horrible for your pelvic floor - works the wrong muscles, like only doing bicep curls & not working triceps will give you a permanent curled arm. Squats + kegels are the new pelvic floor strentheners.

OMG that's the funniest comment ever!

My mother had a little surgery along with her hysterectomy... they put like a hammock under the bladder. She was excited to call her friend and tell her how she can laugh and sneeze now and still stay dry.

I'm forever grateful that I didn't get the little bit of pee problem after pushing one baby out of my vagina. This definitely means I won't be as lucky if we have a second.

Okay, who linked Amber's blog to unfunnymomswhotakeeverythingtooseriously.com ? 'Fess up.

Hmmm, well I'd rather be raised in a home with parents who actually have a sense of humor. I mean, who really wants a parent with the personality of dry toast?

LMAO...crotch parasites! That's great!

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Trampolines are the worst...but my gynie did a wonderful little procedure down under and no more leaky plumbing!!!

Just found a shirt that says "Sometime I laugh so hard tears run down my legs"... LOL Aaahhhhh.... the joys! ;0)

It is normal!!! As normal as stretch marks, sleep deprevation and finding cheese puffs in your handbag!

Hahahaha....love the End!!!

just imagine what's it's like after pushing 3 kids out ..................................

My midwife described my baby in-utero as a parasite. That's what they are, they live off you. Lighten up! Nobody who is that mean to their kids in reality would make a joke of it on the internet.

Yeah I can sneeze 2X max. And I better be crossing my legs for the second one! By the 3rd I'm running to the bathroom...

Oh man, this stinks so bad because hubby knows the tell-tale signs (crossing legs while standing) and he laughs at me every time. I usually have to remind him what I went through in order to get to that place and he shuts up.

I prefer to call my kids sex trophies!
Id hate to have a mom who's quick to judge and assume she's better than someone over a funny comment on a sarcastic mommy blog.

I work out regularly, doing pilates and yoga and dance classes for YEARS. Not to mention those kegels and squats. And still, (worse when pregnant, due to hormones) when they want you to jump while holding the exercise ball above your head - just one glance around that classroom can tell you which of the women in the exercise class are mothers and which aren't!!!

(It's the look on the face, and the gentleness of the bounce that means we're in the club....)

I had a C-Section....why do I still leak?? lol

dang...I only got 3 participation awards.

I agree!

That's awesome...I want a bumper sticker that says that!

Sex trophies!!! (whoops - I just peed a little bit)

Hmmm... dare I also mention the post-birth syndrome of 'make sure no-ones standing behind you before you reach over to pick something up because you never know if a bottom-burp might escape'?

Yeah, my mom had 6 kids...the last one being born in 1987. She can't leave her house. Sneezing, laughing, singing along with the radio in the front seat of my sister's car, walking through the grocery store, anywhere for any reason. It's making me rethink the number of children I actually want to have.

Love this! Unfortunately though, this isn't just limited to laughing...

Another awesome blog post! I really think that the before and after series needs a post about Friday nights before and after! lol

Yes, those darn bouncy houses! We can't have any more fun! haha

LMAO!!! SEX TROPHIES! I can't wait to tell my husband that one!!!

Yep... I notice if I kegel more it isn't too bad ;)

Ha! That's hilarious :)

My friend, who is pregnant with her second child, and I were just talking about this the other day. She told me she can finally relate to me because she can no longer laugh or sneeze with out a little pee coming out. The sad part about this is it took her two pregnancies before she parted peeing her pants from laughter, where it has taken me ZERO pregnancies for my to pee my pants. I've been doing it for years. And not just a little, but a whole lot. Like, all of it.

squats? With *my* pelvic floor?

Hahahahahahaha. Oops IJPAL.

HAHA, so true. I take my toddler to music and they always play this mrs Bunny song and make us bounce like rabbits and then hop on one leg around the room. All these kind of pained Mum's bend their knees rather than bouncing.

Actually Kegels exacerbated the problem for me. Squatting only fixed it quick smart.

Coughing = peed a little. Sneezing = peed a little. Jumping = peed a little. Running = peed a little. Ahhhh....the "after" life is grand. :)

because it's not a funny comment ... just sad.

Bahaha crotch parasite, love it.

Gotta find the humour in it all, or we wouldn't keep getting up to clean poo painting parties when 1yr olds figure out how to take off their nappies, or deal with the first time our baby boys pea in our mouths.

Motherhood IS funny.

Please don't use my Lord's name as a swear word. I'm very offended. I do agree people need to lighten up but when it comes to Jesus - take him seriously.

Or explosive-butt-hurt.com. There need to be browsers that censor out humor for those whose sensibilities are too delicate to look at anything other than their own boring faces.

I totally blogged about peeing myself, so I GET IT, oh yes I do!

now THAT is funny! :) The peeing my pants things is too of course, but this thread was getting a little too serious for a funny blog. Thanks!

So unbelievably true. I peed a little reading it and laughing =)

hahahahha, Holy Pee flow, you crack me up :)

Everyday there is a new Crappy Pictures post is the best day of my life!

Oh I wish I could get through an entire Zumba class without thinking," Time to focus on those kegels!!" Too funny, thanks for the laugh!

Try 4! LOL

I have honestly given up and wear pantyliners now for the little "drips". Yikes!

After reading all your posts, lol and having no opps, I figure I must be the luckiest Mom of 3 kids out there. Now when I was pregnant with each sneezing, coughing, laughing were all opps territory! You Gals made me laugh, thanks!

Ha! I think you cursed me. After I read this , this I i started a non-stop sneeze/pee fest. My baby is 10 months and I thought I was in the clear. Lol!I love your blog. You are so clever and funny and its all SO true!

OMG! Nobody warned me about that and I was to embarrassed to ask about it. I just recently noticed that, and thought to myself... Oh! That's new...

ha ha ha... really? what is the other blog site, I want to follow that one too :)

One of my favorite parts about these before and after posts is how you always portray before/after mommy style LOL First mom is wearing red, hair curled, nice shape. Second mom has straight hair and shapeless purple dress. Yup, that sounds about right.

Really? Ever said "holy cow!"? Is using someone elses's "holy" thing in vain ok? Just accept that not everyone cares about Jesus.

Oh my holy parasites! People are funny with their comments. Amber, it's hysterical and I LOVE your sense of humor. Lighten up people! And btw, I bet Jesus had a sense of humor too!

Doesnt always work, my mums a yoga teacher, she s had three kids, she exercises daily, and knows about all stuff pelvic floors, inner core, bla bla bla, and she still pees when she sneezes or coughs. (and she s 45, I m oldest, she had me when she was 19). Yes, for some people it can remove the problem, but for some it will work only a little bit or not help at all.

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