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Although I'm sticking this in the Before & After Kids series, if you haven't pushed a baby out of your vagina recently you won't get it. Lucky you.
This is what laughing was like before pushing a baby out:
And this is what laughing is like for a while, after pushing a kid out:
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OMG!! This is so true!! hahahaha Love this blog! I've sent links to all the mothers I know bc it is the comic relief I need when Motherhood gets tough :)
Posted by: Alli Vela | 09/06/2011 at 09:47 AM
Very, sadly true. After a few more crotch parasites make their arrival it becomes a life long condition...
Posted by: Betsi | 09/06/2011 at 09:48 AM
Don't forget sneezing, coughing, bouncing on a trampoline!
Posted by: Karla | 09/06/2011 at 09:48 AM
Heh. I didn't push them out of my vagina, but I did carry twins to term, and yeah. I pee a little when I cough or sneeze. Not all the time. Just a random, happy little wet surprise every so often to remind me of my kids (as if their constant clinging presence doesn't already provide plenty of "reminding"...).
Posted by: Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) | 09/06/2011 at 09:48 AM
I would say the same thing about bouncy houses :(
Posted by: AH | 09/06/2011 at 09:48 AM
Oh yeah... Definitely know this feeling well. Sneezing isn't so great either!
Posted by: Sarah | 09/06/2011 at 09:49 AM
Sigh. Even with a c-section. I think it was a result of man-baby playing bouncy trampoline on my bladder for those last 4 months!
Posted by: Danielle | 09/06/2011 at 09:49 AM
HA HA HA hahahahaha HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . . Now you've done it, honey! I have to go change now. Thanks a LOT!
Posted by: Emily | 09/06/2011 at 09:50 AM
This is not normal and we shouldn't be treating it like it is. Kegels and squatting regularly take care of this.
Posted by: heather j | 09/06/2011 at 09:50 AM
Just an FYI, even if you didn't push the baby out of your vagina, you still will likely pee a little. It isn't just pushing it out the vagina...it is the carrying the baby for 9 months that does it to you. Even mamas who went under the knife for their babies will still have some bladder issues post partum.
Posted by: Kristen | 09/06/2011 at 09:50 AM
trampolines... skipping ropes... hopscotch... All invented to torture moms.
Posted by: Jayme | 09/06/2011 at 09:51 AM
Hilarious!
Sigh.
Posted by: Roel Raymond (@kataclysmichaos) | 09/06/2011 at 09:51 AM
Spot on, as usual! Made me laugh - luckily my bladder was empty. :)
Posted by: Karina | 09/06/2011 at 09:53 AM
I love the way you look before - higher-up bosoms, curled hair, thinner waist.
It's amazing how accurate you can be with a crappy picture. x
Posted by: Sarah | 09/06/2011 at 09:54 AM
Haha! I went in one too and had the same experience LOL (3 kids here!)
Posted by: Elie | 09/06/2011 at 09:54 AM
That's the grossest reference to a newborn baby I have ever heard...
Posted by: Sarah | 09/06/2011 at 09:55 AM
I like the way your hairdo, clothes, and figure are different in the before/after drawings. So true. It's allergy season right now. I have an extra pair of panties at work, just in case.
Posted by: Alex | 09/06/2011 at 09:56 AM
I know this and I suspect just about every other mom does, too. It's still funny.
Posted by: Maria | 09/06/2011 at 10:01 AM
What a terrible & crude thing to call your babies :(
Posted by: Jennifer | 09/06/2011 at 10:02 AM
Same is also true for coughing and sneezing!!! I have to cross my legs anytime I do either of those! :-)
Posted by: christina | 09/06/2011 at 10:03 AM
So sad, but true. And sneezing! It's embarrassing...
Posted by: Julie | 09/06/2011 at 10:04 AM
Actually Heather J, that isn't always true. It is a hereditary problem in my family, usually passes quicker on with those of us that have had children, but all around eventually. No amount of kegals, or those awful things that the doctor gives you to stick up there and squeeze on work at all. Lol.
Posted by: Jen D. | 09/06/2011 at 10:05 AM
That is such a derogatory way to refer to your children
Posted by: Anne Hoctor | 09/06/2011 at 10:05 AM
*laughs* *pees* oops.
Posted by: Reading (and chickens) | 09/06/2011 at 10:06 AM
It happened to me the other day...only I wasn't laughing...or sneezing...just standing there...sigh.
Posted by: Kim | 09/06/2011 at 10:07 AM
My mum has what's called a neurostimulator for pain control after a spinal injury and she found out at the clinic the other day that the company (Medtronic) now have one that works on incontinence.
Posted by: Anne Hoctor | 09/06/2011 at 10:07 AM
Seriously?
Crotch parasites = funny
And it's from another popular blog site....
Posted by: A Facebook User | 09/06/2011 at 10:09 AM
And this is why I can't do jumping jacks. Hah.
Posted by: Jessica Smith | 09/06/2011 at 10:10 AM
@heather j - aren't kegels for vagina muscles? Last time I checked, I don't pee out of my vagina...
Posted by: Kim | 09/06/2011 at 10:10 AM
what a HORRIBLE name to call your babies. If this is what you call them on a blog where millions of people can read it, I wonder what you actually say to them to their face! my heart hurts for them.
Posted by: D | 09/06/2011 at 10:12 AM
I was okay after one kid but after the second one I cant do jumping jacks or jump on a trpoline. And when I go running I have to go right before I leave or I am in trouble.
Posted by: Heather | 09/06/2011 at 10:13 AM
That's disturbing... your poor children. Who would want to be raised in a home where you're thought of as a parasite!? Send them our way. We have more than enough love to go around
Posted by: Brit | 09/06/2011 at 10:13 AM
Kim,
The PC muscle stretches between the pubic bone and the tailbone. When tightened, it clenches everything in its path, so yeah, it tightens your vagina but also your urethra. You know that kegels are good for men, too, right?
Posted by: Karen | 09/06/2011 at 10:15 AM
This is why I can't run anymore!! *sob* I've been told it's curable - supposedly there are physiotherapists out there that can help (I just hope it's not a man). I have allergies right now and sneezing is not going so well...lol
Posted by: Misty | 09/06/2011 at 10:16 AM
Holy hell, this is supposed to be lighthearted and FUNNY. Do we have to take everything so seriously? Jesus.
Posted by: Amandaaustin | 09/06/2011 at 10:16 AM
Pelvic floor (kegel) excercises and squats helped a bit, but 18 months later, it's still SO true. laughing, sneezing, waiting too long to pee, it's all teh same :P
Posted by: Nicole | 09/06/2011 at 10:18 AM
No joke! After my first baby I thought I'd bounce back into shape by jumping rope!
Holy Pee Flow!
I decided then to pee before jumping rope and still wet my pants.
Long story short. I gave up. I got fat. The end.
Posted by: The Grouchy Mom | 09/06/2011 at 10:18 AM
I've had two and only had that problem when I was pregnant with my second (I have a tilted uterus and he was a big baby). After both kids I have been fine (no peeing while laughing, jumping, leaping, standing on my head, break-dancing, rock climbing, spinning, you name it!). But I did yoga, kegels, hiked, and lifted light weights while pregnant with both, and work out regularly now.
Posted by: Jacque | 09/06/2011 at 10:18 AM
My neighbor came to the door the other day to tell me my dog was out of the yard. So I go after the dog. Running, peeing, carring a baby on my hip, cursing the dog.
Posted by: cathy | 09/06/2011 at 10:23 AM
Actually, kegels are for strengthing the pelvic floor muscles, which do more than just keep you from peeing yourself. Last time I checked, my uterus was still inside my body, thanks in part to kegels.
Posted by: Jenn | 09/06/2011 at 10:24 AM
Yes I'm a horrible horrible mom because I have a "sense of humor" I don't actually refer to my son as a crotch parasite...it's a joke people....nor am I sure does Betsi....
Posted by: A Facebook User | 09/06/2011 at 10:28 AM
Hiccups if it hasn't already been mentioned. Yesterday I hiccuped and had a little wetness. I do kegels regularly and it helped immensely. But, every once in a while...I get a little surprise.
Posted by: Angela | 09/06/2011 at 10:28 AM
@A Facebook User, I applaud you... I would think the readers of this funny blog would know how to take a joke, but apparently not.
Posted by: Laura | 09/06/2011 at 10:39 AM
Actually, they've found that kegels alone are horrible for your pelvic floor - works the wrong muscles, like only doing bicep curls & not working triceps will give you a permanent curled arm. Squats + kegels are the new pelvic floor strentheners.
Posted by: Jema | 09/06/2011 at 10:39 AM
OMG that's the funniest comment ever!
Posted by: campblsoupgrl | 09/06/2011 at 10:44 AM
My mother had a little surgery along with her hysterectomy... they put like a hammock under the bladder. She was excited to call her friend and tell her how she can laugh and sneeze now and still stay dry.
Posted by: chelsea | 09/06/2011 at 10:50 AM
I'm forever grateful that I didn't get the little bit of pee problem after pushing one baby out of my vagina. This definitely means I won't be as lucky if we have a second.
Posted by: vanessa | 09/06/2011 at 10:51 AM
Okay, who linked Amber's blog to unfunnymomswhotakeeverythingtooseriously.com ? 'Fess up.
Posted by: vanessa | 09/06/2011 at 10:53 AM
Hmmm, well I'd rather be raised in a home with parents who actually have a sense of humor. I mean, who really wants a parent with the personality of dry toast?
Posted by: Me | 09/06/2011 at 11:06 AM
LMAO...crotch parasites! That's great!
Posted by: Bella | 09/06/2011 at 11:07 AM
Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Posted by: Me | 09/06/2011 at 11:08 AM
Trampolines are the worst...but my gynie did a wonderful little procedure down under and no more leaky plumbing!!!
Posted by: Sandi | 09/06/2011 at 11:11 AM
Just found a shirt that says "Sometime I laugh so hard tears run down my legs"... LOL Aaahhhhh.... the joys! ;0)
Posted by: Carrisa | 09/06/2011 at 11:13 AM
It is normal!!! As normal as stretch marks, sleep deprevation and finding cheese puffs in your handbag!
Posted by: Sandi | 09/06/2011 at 11:14 AM
Hahahaha....love the End!!!
Posted by: Sandi | 09/06/2011 at 11:15 AM
just imagine what's it's like after pushing 3 kids out ..................................
Posted by: weefrenchie66 | 09/06/2011 at 11:16 AM
My midwife described my baby in-utero as a parasite. That's what they are, they live off you. Lighten up! Nobody who is that mean to their kids in reality would make a joke of it on the internet.
Posted by: jigsaw | 09/06/2011 at 11:40 AM
Yeah I can sneeze 2X max. And I better be crossing my legs for the second one! By the 3rd I'm running to the bathroom...
Posted by: Heather | 09/06/2011 at 11:46 AM
Oh man, this stinks so bad because hubby knows the tell-tale signs (crossing legs while standing) and he laughs at me every time. I usually have to remind him what I went through in order to get to that place and he shuts up.
Posted by: Jaci Kulish | 09/06/2011 at 11:47 AM
I prefer to call my kids sex trophies!
Id hate to have a mom who's quick to judge and assume she's better than someone over a funny comment on a sarcastic mommy blog.
Posted by: Andrea Olson | 09/06/2011 at 11:47 AM
I work out regularly, doing pilates and yoga and dance classes for YEARS. Not to mention those kegels and squats. And still, (worse when pregnant, due to hormones) when they want you to jump while holding the exercise ball above your head - just one glance around that classroom can tell you which of the women in the exercise class are mothers and which aren't!!!
Posted by: sarah vine | 09/06/2011 at 11:47 AM
(It's the look on the face, and the gentleness of the bounce that means we're in the club....)
Posted by: sarah vine | 09/06/2011 at 11:49 AM
I had a C-Section....why do I still leak?? lol
Posted by: StephanieH218 | 09/06/2011 at 12:03 PM
dang...I only got 3 participation awards.
Posted by: 3boysmama | 09/06/2011 at 12:33 PM
I agree!
Posted by: 3boysmama | 09/06/2011 at 12:34 PM
That's awesome...I want a bumper sticker that says that!
Posted by: 3boysmama | 09/06/2011 at 12:37 PM
Sex trophies!!! (whoops - I just peed a little bit)
Posted by: Judi | 09/06/2011 at 12:50 PM
Hmmm... dare I also mention the post-birth syndrome of 'make sure no-ones standing behind you before you reach over to pick something up because you never know if a bottom-burp might escape'?
Posted by: Judi | 09/06/2011 at 12:55 PM
Yeah, my mom had 6 kids...the last one being born in 1987. She can't leave her house. Sneezing, laughing, singing along with the radio in the front seat of my sister's car, walking through the grocery store, anywhere for any reason. It's making me rethink the number of children I actually want to have.
Posted by: Amy Kay | 09/06/2011 at 01:05 PM
Love this! Unfortunately though, this isn't just limited to laughing...
Posted by: MamaCass | 09/06/2011 at 01:26 PM
Another awesome blog post! I really think that the before and after series needs a post about Friday nights before and after! lol
Posted by: DefinitionOfAWife | 09/06/2011 at 01:33 PM
Yes, those darn bouncy houses! We can't have any more fun! haha
Posted by: elin | 09/06/2011 at 01:37 PM
LMAO!!! SEX TROPHIES! I can't wait to tell my husband that one!!!
Posted by: Eileen | 09/06/2011 at 01:42 PM
Yep... I notice if I kegel more it isn't too bad ;)
Posted by: Rebecca Henson | 09/06/2011 at 01:44 PM
Ha! That's hilarious :)
Posted by: Sydney | 09/06/2011 at 01:54 PM
My friend, who is pregnant with her second child, and I were just talking about this the other day. She told me she can finally relate to me because she can no longer laugh or sneeze with out a little pee coming out. The sad part about this is it took her two pregnancies before she parted peeing her pants from laughter, where it has taken me ZERO pregnancies for my to pee my pants. I've been doing it for years. And not just a little, but a whole lot. Like, all of it.
Posted by: Sarcasm Goddess | 09/06/2011 at 02:04 PM
squats? With *my* pelvic floor?
Hahahahahahaha. Oops IJPAL.
Posted by: gasmama | 09/06/2011 at 02:13 PM
HAHA, so true. I take my toddler to music and they always play this mrs Bunny song and make us bounce like rabbits and then hop on one leg around the room. All these kind of pained Mum's bend their knees rather than bouncing.
Posted by: sarah | 09/06/2011 at 02:29 PM
Actually Kegels exacerbated the problem for me. Squatting only fixed it quick smart.
Posted by: Harmony | 09/06/2011 at 02:44 PM
Coughing = peed a little. Sneezing = peed a little. Jumping = peed a little. Running = peed a little. Ahhhh....the "after" life is grand. :)
Posted by: Jenn @ Cooking Aweigh the Pounds | 09/06/2011 at 03:05 PM
because it's not a funny comment ... just sad.
Posted by: kate | 09/06/2011 at 03:06 PM
Bahaha crotch parasite, love it.
Gotta find the humour in it all, or we wouldn't keep getting up to clean poo painting parties when 1yr olds figure out how to take off their nappies, or deal with the first time our baby boys pea in our mouths.
Motherhood IS funny.
Posted by: Emma | 09/06/2011 at 03:07 PM
Please don't use my Lord's name as a swear word. I'm very offended. I do agree people need to lighten up but when it comes to Jesus - take him seriously.
Posted by: Janine | 09/06/2011 at 03:14 PM
Or explosive-butt-hurt.com. There need to be browsers that censor out humor for those whose sensibilities are too delicate to look at anything other than their own boring faces.
Posted by: Furacaochelsea | 09/06/2011 at 03:23 PM
I totally blogged about peeing myself, so I GET IT, oh yes I do!
Posted by: karen somethingorother | 09/06/2011 at 03:45 PM
now THAT is funny! :) The peeing my pants things is too of course, but this thread was getting a little too serious for a funny blog. Thanks!
Posted by: Heather | 09/06/2011 at 04:21 PM
So unbelievably true. I peed a little reading it and laughing =)
Posted by: Marta | 09/06/2011 at 04:59 PM
hahahahha, Holy Pee flow, you crack me up :)
Posted by: Sara | 09/06/2011 at 05:08 PM
Everyday there is a new Crappy Pictures post is the best day of my life!
Posted by: Becky F | 09/06/2011 at 06:10 PM
Oh I wish I could get through an entire Zumba class without thinking," Time to focus on those kegels!!" Too funny, thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Sally | 09/06/2011 at 06:12 PM
Try 4! LOL
I have honestly given up and wear pantyliners now for the little "drips". Yikes!
Posted by: Funnism | 09/06/2011 at 06:24 PM
After reading all your posts, lol and having no opps, I figure I must be the luckiest Mom of 3 kids out there. Now when I was pregnant with each sneezing, coughing, laughing were all opps territory! You Gals made me laugh, thanks!
Posted by: TiffK | 09/06/2011 at 07:26 PM
Ha! I think you cursed me. After I read this , this I i started a non-stop sneeze/pee fest. My baby is 10 months and I thought I was in the clear. Lol!I love your blog. You are so clever and funny and its all SO true!
Posted by: Elysabeth Kapas | 09/06/2011 at 07:34 PM
OMG! Nobody warned me about that and I was to embarrassed to ask about it. I just recently noticed that, and thought to myself... Oh! That's new...
Posted by: Elysabeth Kapas | 09/06/2011 at 07:38 PM
ha ha ha... really? what is the other blog site, I want to follow that one too :)
Posted by: tasha | 09/06/2011 at 07:56 PM
One of my favorite parts about these before and after posts is how you always portray before/after mommy style LOL First mom is wearing red, hair curled, nice shape. Second mom has straight hair and shapeless purple dress. Yup, that sounds about right.
Posted by: Kim | 09/06/2011 at 09:47 PM
I can't stop laughing!
Posted by: Vidya Sury, Freelance Writer and Blogger | 09/06/2011 at 09:53 PM
Really? Ever said "holy cow!"? Is using someone elses's "holy" thing in vain ok? Just accept that not everyone cares about Jesus.
Posted by: Julie | 09/06/2011 at 11:29 PM
Oh my holy parasites! People are funny with their comments. Amber, it's hysterical and I LOVE your sense of humor. Lighten up people! And btw, I bet Jesus had a sense of humor too!
Posted by: shawn | 09/07/2011 at 12:08 AM
Doesnt always work, my mums a yoga teacher, she s had three kids, she exercises daily, and knows about all stuff pelvic floors, inner core, bla bla bla, and she still pees when she sneezes or coughs. (and she s 45, I m oldest, she had me when she was 19). Yes, for some people it can remove the problem, but for some it will work only a little bit or not help at all.
Posted by: fooxoo | 09/07/2011 at 01:33 AM